Apostrophe’s

At times I wonder, what’s this doing on my desk? Today it’s an orange slip of paper advertising the Galena Canning Co. that says (Sic, except that it’s all in caps. I’ve used all caps only for the largest line, which is about 36 pt.): “Chef Ivo’s Award Winning Galena Canning Company NOW ONLINE… Over 75 fine gourmet products. Custom gift crate’s-basket’s. Need recipe’s, talk to the chef, coming soon to the Food Network. Order for the Holiday’s.”

Chef Ivo, we’ve got to have a talk about those apostrophes. They’ve infested your ad like ringworm. Only one s is apostrophe-free in fact, and I fear for it.

Oops, I just threw it away. Chef Ivo will have to do without my editorial butting in. But about 20 years ago in Nashville, I was driving along late one night and I saw a fellow changing the marquee outside a KFC. “Now Excepting Applications,” it was about to say. I stopped and told him, politely, that it ought to be “Accepting.” He asked if I were sure, I said I was, and he started to change it.