More Holiday Debris

Exactly how a gingerbread house kit ended up in our house during the week before Christmas, I don't know. Early last week, Lilly and Ann were eager to build it, so eager that they couldn't wait for me to finish an article I had to file, and they went ahead without me. I'm not sure my participation would have produced a better structural outcome. The last time I tried to build a gingerbread house, it ended up exactly the same as Lilly and Ann's house this time around -- more like a post-tornado gingerbread trailer park.

Lilly and Ann's was a Willy Wonka brand "gingerbread cottage kit," and since I didn't oversee their doomed efforts, I don't know whether the kit was the problem, or childish construction methods. But I have a larger issue with the Willy Wonka brand. Namely, it's just candy. Instead you should get confections that provide comeuppance, in strange and colorful (and somewhat disturbing) ways, to people with obvious moral defects.

Slinkies (Slinkys?) also entered the house as part of Christmas. Actually, I got two Slinky Jrs., a smaller version of the standard toy, one for each child. Other Slinkies have come and gone over the years, as they've tangled in seemingly impossible ways, so I figured it was time for new ones. A wonderful, wonderful toy, fun for a girl and a boy. I didn't know until recently that the namer of the toy had died this year.

One of Ann's presents was a new non-motorized scooter. She'd asked for it, having outgrown her old scooter. Santa got the credit for bringing it. I told her that she'd have to wait for a warm day to play with it, outside. If she played with it inside, I further told her that elves would come and take it back.

Later, in talking about it with my brother Jay, he suggested that Repo Elves might be a good concept for a bad movie comedy. Something with Adam Sandler in it, maybe.

Those busy elves. They live far away, speak a language incomprehensible to us, and work constantly to supply us toys. Sure, their workshop is supposed to be at the North Pole. But if I didn't know better, I'd guess it was in Guangdong Province.