Clown Turns Yegg

Back in the late ’80s, one of the perks of my job at a publishing company was a real-time connection to the AP wire at our workstations. Stories queued up in the order they were published electronically, newer ones pushing older ones down toward the bottom. The interface was simple: green characters, no graphics, no hyperlinks.

Often we would have the chance to read something the day before it was in the papers, and probably a few hours before it was on radio or TV, though we didn’t have those things in the office, so I’m not sure. Actually, a fellow named Al had a small black & white TV under his desk, which he used to watch Cubs games at low volume on company time, but no one else had access to that.

If a really big story developed, you could see it unfold on the wire just by looking at the titles and how often items were updated. One big day was October 19, 1987, when the Dow crashed. Down 200! 300! 400! came the reports one after the other that afternoon (I’m rounding a bit).

It all seems a little quaint now, since everyone with a computer and an Internet connection has much more than the AP used to offer. Still, I thought of that when a friend forwarded the following item to me today, which I noticed was from the AP.

Ronald MacDonald robs Wendy's, loses job

November 29, 2005

MANCHESTER, New Hampshire - A name like Ronald MacDonald might have raised suspicion from the start for a Wendy's employee.

Now the 22-year-old MacDonald has been charged with stealing from a safe at the Wendy's restaurant where he worked.

The man is no relation to the cheerful, red-haired clown who is the face of the McDonald's advertising campaign. [And who is a relation? First cousin Bozo?]

The restaurant manager said he found MacDonald and another employee taking the money at about 1:30 a.m. Monday.

MacDonald and Steve Lemay, 20, were detained at the store until police arrived.

MacDonald is expected to face a probation violation charge along with theft charges.

Probably Ronald MacDonald of New Hampshire was known to friends and accomplices as Ron. Still, I had to wonder why anyone named MacDonald, ca. 1983, would call their kid Ronald. Family name, or maybe because Ronald Reagan was president then, and people sometimes name (or used to name) their children after sitting presidents. But presidents come and go. We’re stuck with Ronald McDonald. No term limits for him. No wonder Ronald MacDonald turned to a life of crime.