Seen in Big Boxes

I went out today and it promptly started snowing. Snow and little pellets of ice, but it wasn’t enough to impede driving much. Early in the afternoon, the radio was atwitter with predictions of a big snow coming soon. Then, on cue from the National Weather Service (I figure), the forecast changed abruptly in mid-afternoon: Just a little more snow ahead, nothing to write in your blogs about.

I went out gathering needful things at a few big box retail establishments. At one—not really big box, but one of a whole lot of drug store-sized boxes—I saw near checkout the revamped TV Guide. Bigger pages, but the same vacuous content you know and love. I haven’t paid much attention to that magazine since ca. 1980, so maybe “know” and especially “love” is a stretch.

Even 30 years ago, the only issue of real interest was the annual season premiere edition, which usually came out in late August or early September, featuring short articles about the new shows for the year. That’s probably where I first heard of such immortal ’70s programming as Bridget Loves Bernie, The Texas Wheelers, and Joe and Sons, just to name some obscure ethnic comedies (in the second of those, Texans were treated as comic ethnics).

Later, in the aisle of a warehouse store a young man wandered by, sporting baggy pants, a black t-shirt advertising some foul musician, and an assortment of body jewelry. He was singing—not quite the word, half-muttering, half-chanting—“Deck the halls with Santa’s blood, fa… la la la… fa…” But I’m not sure he counted as a bond fide weirdo. Around here, it’s most likely an affectation. On the other hand, maybe he’s working on a script for a holiday/slasher movie.

Still later, at yet another very big retail store, a clerk whom I’ll call “Mary” (that was on her nametag) checked me out. Though dressed as a woman, it was clear that “Mary” had once been, or maybe was still in part, “Bob” or “Chuck” or something. Note to “Mary”: if you want to live as, or become, or be—you choose the verb—a woman, you ought to shave that stubble off your face.