Gee, Chancellor Gee

Got an e-mail today from Gordon Gee, the aptly named Chancellor of Vanderbilt, for under his expert leadership (I’ve read) the university’s endowment has ballooned to the point at which people say, “Gee, that’s some big endowment you got.” My alma mater, you might say, is well endowed.

Anyway, Chancellor Gee says:

Dear Vanderbilt Friends:

“In this season, we are reminded by the holidays and our observances of an increasing amount of light in the world. We at Vanderbilt have our own lights to add to the gathering glow. This fall semester, now in its closing moments, has yielded a veritable power surge of accomplishment and honor within our University community! …”

Glad to know that the Chancellor still believes in progress, or at least illumination. I’m not sure a “power surge” is a good thing, since they’re often associated with equipment failure, but I’ll give him the benefit of the linguistic doubt. He doesn’t explicitly ask for money in this letter, by the way, but I suspect it’s on his mind.

As an example of recent accomplishment, he goes on to say: “Associate Professor of Biological Sciences Kenneth Catania was awarded a $500,000 grant from the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation [a genius grant]. Professor Catania, who studies insectivorous mammals such as star-nosed moles, water shrews and naked mole rats, will continue to research these animals who, through their own unusual styles of perception, reveal insights into the response of the mind, through sense, to stimulus."

I wish Professor Catania well, I really do, and someone probably should study star-nosed moles, water shrews and naked mole rats, if only because who would think of studying such creatures? But the idea of genius grants annoys me because there’s no such thing as a “pretty bright person grant.” It wouldn’t have to be on the scale of the genius grant – pretty bright isn’t genius, after all – say $50,000 instead of half a million. That way, you could reward 10 times as many pretty bright people as geniuses, and let the effects ripple outward from each recipient.