For No Comment, Press 1

I called up a bankrupt retail company this morning to ask for information about their restructuring plan. I wasn't expecting to get anything more than a place to park a voice-mail message that would never be answered, but part of my business is making the effort.

"Thank you for calling Bankrupt Retail Co.," a pleasant recorded female voice said. "For information relating to our bankruptcy filing and restructuring, please press 1."

I pressed 1.

"Thank you for calling Bankrupt Retail Co.'s restructuring information line. Details we can share related to our Chapter 11 filing can be found on a special page of our web site."

She then gave that page's address, spelling it out completely letter by letter.

"We'll be updating this page as warranted. If you're calling to confirm the status of store location in your area, please visit our restructuring web page for links to store locator tools. Stores in the process of closing are labeled 'closing sale, savings storewide.'

"If you have other questions, you can leave a message with phone and e-mail contact information after the tone. However, as a matter of company policy, we are for the most part not responding to media inquiries in connection to this issue. If you do not receive a response within one business day, please feel to report that the company could not be reached for comment. Thank you."

Beep!

Over the years I've called a fair number of companies who didn't care to talk to me, but never one that bothered to spell out "no comment" in quite such detail. Impressive, in its way. Whatever else is wrong with the company, its media relations department has its act together.