Watch Out, Goofy
After this holiday weekend, I know that the Sonny Bono Copyright Term Extension Act of 1998 was a mistake. Posthumously named after the singing Congressman who championed it, the law also had a lobbying champion in Disney, who did not want to see Mickey Mouse et al. enter the public domain.
I want to see Mickey enter the public domain. He would certainly be put to better uses than The Three Musketeers, a direct-to-DVD cartoon released by Disney last year that I happened to see over the weekend. As a narrative, it’s as close to any of the other versions of the Musketeers as, say, Mercury is to Mars, but I don’t object to that so much.
Actually, I won’t bother to shoot the fish in this particular barrel. It’s enough to say that it’s awful. Just awful. Sample dialogue (from memory, but close enough):
Mickey: “Well, Goofy, then!” [Referring to his belief that Goofy will come to his rescue].
Peg-leg Pete: “Goofy’s being fitted for a halo.”
Mickey: “No, no, no.”
Pete: “Yes, yes, yes.”
The three musketeers, by the way, are Mickey, Goofy and Donald Duck, not a particularly good match. Donald, José and Ponchito might have been better, though that might have meant moving the setting from a Disney France to a Disney Spain.
There was a glimmer of interest in casting Clarabelle Cow as Pete’s evil lieutenant. As far as I know, Clarabelle isn’t a character that ever got much screen time. Her main job as Pete’s evil lieutenant is to murder Goofy by dumping him into the Seine tied to a weight, a task she cannot complete because she’s an impressionable female. Goofy manages to say enough sweet nothings to Clarabelle to avoid his fate; in fact, she then helps him save Mickey, foil Pete, etc. At the end of the movie, she’s paired up with Goofy, just as lady-in-waiting Daisy falls for Donald and Princess Minnie finds true love in Mickey (don’t ask).
Hello, Goofy? This woman was going to kill you. Sure, she likes you now, but what happens the first time you forget to take out the trash or come home stinking drunk? Just wondering.